Written by Harry Croose
"It's not what you achieve, its what you overcome, that defines your career."
For many months, now I was caught into a sneaky way of thinking, which held a lot of knocks to my Self-Esteem and confidence, but now am stronger than ever. Back in Business! Here to give YOU another one of my insights.
Today’s topic is something I learnt from my many months of emotional healing and self-reflection. A lot of this I’d discovered was that I was caring too much of the opinions of others. Now be careful now don’t take it literally, this phrase is often used when we are essentially fed up, but that is used in a mental framework of a victim. However, this phrase can also be used in as a way of releasing unnecessarily burdens that either you or others have placed on you.
I am here to give you 5 strategies that helped me get over this wall. One quick point first though, remember that other people’s opinions can still have large benefits. Just remember that their opinions do not define who you are.
1. Find Your Life Purpose
One thing that will not ground you more, on not caring what people think is to have a Life Purpose. A Life Purpose is either a big goal or a massive change that you want to make in your life, which is aligned with your personal values and needs. This is like your destination. This will allow you to make your own heading if you will to reach this said goal and make this aligned into reality. This could be starting a blog, write a book, start a YouTube Channel, to Rule the World!
If you have your own goal then you will DO things that will benefit YOU.
If you are interested in finding your life purpose then read my post; How to Find Your Life Purpose
2. Networking with indivudals/ corporations
There is an annoying stigma in society, that if you are selfless you are great and if you are selfish you are a horrible person. This form of assumption, that allows unkind people to take advantage of you – due to your social complexes on ‘what is right’.
How to solve this would be to solely focus on yourself. I know right so selfish! But you need to fill your own cup first as it were, before you start helping others. I am not saying to go out your way to be unkind to someone (even if they deserve it) but merely to prioritise yourself other everything else, and yes even your family.
The more you invest in yourself today – the more you will be able to help them in the future. In fact, helping yourself first will likely mean you will be in a much better position to help others more so then even if you were too selfless of your own needs and desires.
This topic is such a big one that I have wrote a separate blog post here – How to fulfil your needs.
3. Gain work experience
Establish concrete boundaries in different areas of your life. Whether that be in the realms of love, relationships, friendships, money, emotions, psychology and so on. This mind does not necessarily come from a lack of confidence or self-esteem. I believe that a lack of secure boundaries in these sections of oneself can be one of many reasons that a lack of confidence/ self-esteem continues to manifest in your life.
How does this relate to how to not care what other people think? Well, people with what are considered to be weaker boundaries have an obsession of the need to be validated by others. (Hence you care what people think). Therefore, they require external environments to control their boundaries, which if you put it like that sounds ridiculous!
In human biology, we have a need to be in a pack of people, so we naturally have homeostasis of what the supposed conformed boundaries are. But remember that sometimes our human nature struggles to differentiate the difference between thriving and surviving in these instances. I want you to be thriving! So don’t use this as an excuse for you to be thriving! This brings be to my next point.
4. Research diferent roles and sectors
Life is too short. To guilt-trip yourself into staying in an environment that does not vibe with you. Remember the previous point you want to thrive! If that means moving friend groups, distancing yourself from toxicity, and moving towards an environment that you want. Then do it. Yes, it will take a leap of faith, to make such a drastic change.
If you can’t just change your environment, perhaps you are in a job, or in a position where you don’t want to be. Then I would suggest you change your environment in small stages. Whether it be spending less time with someone or retreating to nature to relieve stress. All of these steps will say to your mind, that you are the top priority, and will undo the extreme selflessness programming and will help you care less of what over people think.
5. Build Confidence and Self-Esteem in your abilities
Building sufficient confidence and Self-Esteem is so important. This is the bedrock of success and happiness. If you perceive yourself to not have very good confidence and self-esteem. Firstly, you are confident and do have Self-Esteem – let me explain before you go jumping to conclusions. It is just that you have been convinced that you don’t by your external environments justified by your past experiences.
I have a deep belief, that we all have great levels of confidence and self-esteem. You know that memory-player in the back of your mind reaffirming what you believe to be – that is what is controlling your confidence and self-esteem.
This here is an important insight, “your THOUGHTS are not the same as FACT.” Just because you say, ‘you’re stupid’, ‘you’re not good enough’ does not mean it is true. In fact, all it is is a bad radio station and all you need to do is change the frequency. Which you can do easily! Let’s go backwards your confidence – comes from emotions, and your emotions come from thoughts. This is a very vital insight into your own mental psychology, that I hope you find very helpful. If you have the strong confidence in yourself – you will find that naturally your boundaries will be stronger and will be more protected from status-quo thinking, following the herd and victim mentalities which make you vulnerable to the effects on other people’s opinions. I have many blog other posts on Confidence and Self-Esteem so please use the search on the blog-menu and type in ‘confidence’. To find lots of posts, resources and mini-courses to help you.
Bonus Point.
To give you some suggestions that really benefited me through this obstacle. I want to recommend for you to start self-reflecting. Whether it be through…
– Journaling
– Reading Self-Help Books
– Reading Fiction Books
– Meditation
– Write your own story.
This will allow you to get what you read in theory, into practice. I want YOU, yes I am looking at you! To have a successful and happy and prosperous life! 
Until the Next Blog Post! Take Care and Look after yourself!!
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